Of failures, disappointments, and frustrations

What happens when you just can't make it, when you just can't pass the mark, when you just can't succeed after trying and trying?

Still trying to get over the emotional tsunami. Can't believe I still couldn't do it. I mean, it's not like I've not had enough practice. I don't know what came over me right then. Stupid things I did which I really want to smack myself. And now I have to endure another 2 more months. Imagine all the time and money spent on this. It'd better be worth it okay. My heart aches just thinking about it and I feel so guilty. 

And gosh the inferiority complex is setting in. Which idiot is in the same position as me? Thought second time would do the charm but... I guess I have to rely on third time lucky... 

I wanna get over this phase but it feels like the trauma is there already. Looking forward to 2 months later but it's gonna take some time for me to recover from this episode. Again.

This sucks. :(