'Cause I'm only human

A lot of things suddenly happened today. Ok maybe recently. Plans for going overseas, scholarship/university applications, some personal problems etc. Sigh. Why must life be like that?

Not a very good day today especially. Times like this I just wanna rant on and on and just wish that things would go my way. But of course they can't. Life ain't all that smooth-sailing. 

What happens when the life that you've always dreamed of and imagined turns out to be just a fantasy, and that the outcome is otherwise? It was such an ideal life I've imagined. I can't believe I'm rejected. I don't know if it's oversubscribed and hence competition is tough, or it's just me over-estimating my capabilities. But really, why? :(

And when your desire to do something is so strong you can't accept any 'no' as an answer, what do you do? Can you force things to go your way? Do you stay rational and considerate and mature and do things the right way? I can't... let go. I feel impulsive but at the same time not. I don't know if I'm even desperate but it's something I really, really want to do. And I can't do it alone, that's the thing.

Gosh I really hate this. Today has been a day of disappointments and I feel so down in the dumps now. Nothing is going right and I'm so frustrated. Frustrated at myself too. Am I not good enough? Am I too demanding in my requests? Just what should I do to realise what I've been wanting to do all this while?

Stop asking questions omg. The more you ask the more annoyed you become. Damn I'm such a problematic kid. :(